Should I stay or should I go...

It's amazing how the little things seem to build up until there is a pile of little things that you can't see over.  

I hate "those" military wives.  You know the ones - the women who whine and whine about how difficult their life is... all I can think is, "You picked him".  I try really hard to keep our business away from the outside world.  I don't like letting other people know what is going on in our little world.  But what am I supposed to do when the problems are so big and so glaring?  How did I ignore things until there was a 500 pound gorilla in the room?  

I'm not technically a military wife any longer.  My husband got out of the Army to go to college.  He had every intention of getting a degree and going back in, but that didn't work out.  They are reducing the number in the Army and didn't give age waivers.  He became a contractor, doing the same job he used to do, for a company and deployed to Afghanistan.  I didn't like that he had gone back overseas, but thought that the money would help us save up to buy a house.

Then reality hit.  He never really shared with me, but when I had a full time teaching position it didn't matter.  I had my money, and he had his.  He paid the rent, and I paid utilities.  It worked for us.  Then he left the country again, and I moved home to help manage expenses.  It still worked, he send a couple hundred a month home - and then I think when he realized not sending money might get him in trouble...sent a lump sum of 3K.  (I paid 6 months of rent with it).  Then, life came and bit me on the bottom.  I needed knee surgery in April (it costs a few thousand dollars after insurance), and lost my job the same month.  I was worried, but not too worried since my husband is making so much money over seas.  I applied to every school district I can drive to and didn't get a job over the summer.  Then he stopped sending money because he thinks I'm "being expensive" for no reason.  

He feels like what he makes is his.  He's saving for a house.  (He has never said, "We are saving...it's always him".  He doesn't think he should have to spend so much on me...he doesn't want to pay me to sit at home.  Here is the kicker...the money I want (living expenses and the medical bills) makes up about 15% of his income.  That's right...I'm not daring to ask for half.  I'm not daring to ask for access to it all.  I am asking for 15%.  

Here's the real kick in the pants...I don't want a divorce.  I want to work it out - but not if it means I swallow my feelings again and allow him to figuratively kick me in the teeth.